FINALLY, GOOD NEWS!!

Boy, just when I was three steps past my breaking point and on my way into the nut-house, today we received great news on Ella’s condition.  The cancer has not spread into her spine or any other parts of her body.  They did one last MRI as we are preparing for radiation to start November 1st.  This MRI showed a small area in her lower spine that looked like something of concern.  It would have been uncommon for Anaplastic Ependymoma to reoccur somewhere besides the original tumor location, but no one knew for sure what this was, and we have been on edge for a few days.

Well, actually, I went over the edge this weekend and have since removed myself from the hospital.  I found my breaking point, it’s good to know where it is I guess, nonetheless it wasn’t enjoyable and I’m in recovery at home.  I hope to go back to the hospital sometime this week.  Probably after Friday, which is the big HOPE 4 ELLA day at Community Market in Santa Rosa.

Ella is still in a coma, there has not been much progress on that front.  I made the mistake of reading about comas, statistics and recovery times and terrible things I never should have looked up, and that, in combination with everything else going, led me over the edge this last weekend, where I started having thoughts of killing myself. I called Alycia and told her I was having these thoughts and then left the hospital and went home.

Because we can’t be completely hopeful or begin to mourn our daughter’s death, we are forced to be in this traumatizing limbo, where we don’t get to feel anything but stress from all the unknowns.  It has taken it’s toll on me, and I’m not embarrassed or surprised at what happened.  I love my daughter so much, to see her everyday lying in that bed; it’s killing me.

I can, though, have some hope right now, and I’m going to savor every last drop of it as I hope all of you will too!  Let’s hope the good news continues, I will of course update the blog as soon as that happens, and I hope to see all of you there this Friday at Community Market in Santa Rosa.  Deb and I will be there giving out hugs to each one of you!  Also, a warm thank you to Dino and Maria D’Argenzio of D’Argenzio winery in Santa Rosa for donating wine, as well Brandi Curtis-Pack from Jocelyn Lonen Winery in Napa for donating three cases of wine to us.  We made little wine labels with a picture of Ella, we’ll be giving these out at Community Market.

Also thank you to Davis at Sonoma Design Apparel in Santa Rosa for making us t-shirts for the staff at Community Market for Ella day.  SignsNow in Santa Rosa for donating a big banner to us and to everyone who has donated to Ella’s fund.

Please go shop at those local business’s I just mentioned, they are compassionate folks who deserve to prosper.